I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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