since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
