There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize