Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
