Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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