i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
