i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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