It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
