Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
