I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize