Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
