I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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