bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
