it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
