Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
