can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
