my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
