it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
