i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
