i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Drake has all the answers
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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