Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
