Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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