When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The air was thick with penises
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
