I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
