Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
