found the other keg... it's in the tree
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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