I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When did angry sex become our thing?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
