She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
