I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
and you fell through a lawn chair
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
