I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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