belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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