Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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