lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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