I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
