just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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