a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
