fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
did i walk over a car last night?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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