Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
