so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
