he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
