i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I look better un-naked...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
