the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Randomize
