cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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