Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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