Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
