gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
