Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
third nipple confirmed
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
