My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
