Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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