Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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