Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
