I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
