I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
