life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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