I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
