What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
