Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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