So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
