I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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