you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
People in love make me want to vomit
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This is classic penis vs brain.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
