Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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