Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
